Chapter 5 - The Letter From Dad

Lucy opened Daniel’s letter in Priya’s office.

Hannah sat beside her.

Not touching.

Not reading over her shoulder.

Lucy had asked for that.

Priya sat across the room.

The letter began:

Dear Lucy,

I am writing the name you asked people to use.

Lucy stopped.

“He knows.”

Hannah’s chest tightened.

“Yes.”

“He didn’t say Carter.”

“No.”

Lucy continued.

I am sorry that I told you things about your mum that were not true.

Her breathing changed.

She looked at Priya.

“He said not true.”

Priya nodded.

Lucy read on.

I was angry and afraid that I would lose time with you. I decided that because I believed the court was unfair, I could make my own rules.

Lucy whispered, “He says court.”

Hannah stayed quiet.

That was hard.

Daniel continued.

That was wrong.

I should not have taken you away without telling you where we were really going.

I should not have changed your surname.

I should not have told your school your mother was dead.

Lucy froze.

“What?”

Hannah closed her eyes.

Lucy looked at her.

“School thought you were dead?”

“Yes.”

“You knew?”

“I learned after police found you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Hannah breathed.

“Because I didn’t know how to tell you without hurting you more.”

Lucy’s face hardened.

“That’s what adults say before secrets.”

Hannah felt the accusation land.

“You’re right.”

Priya watched.

Hannah continued.

“I should have told you sooner.”

Lucy stared.

“You hid it.”

“For two weeks.”

“Why?”

“Fear.”

Lucy looked at the letter.

“Dad says fear too.”

“Yes.”

“So you both do things because fear.”

Hannah swallowed.

“Yes.”

Lucy continued reading.

I love you. Loving you did not make what I did right.

This sentence stopped everyone.

Lucy read it twice.

“Can I circle it?”

Priya nodded.

“It’s your copy.”

Lucy circled the sentence.

Then Daniel wrote about the zoo.

The map.

The red cup.

The purple pajamas.

He said he had kept the map with all the stickers.

Lucy smiled for the first time.

“He kept it.”

Then came the harder part.

I do not know when I will be allowed to see you.

I am not asking you to tell anyone you want that.

You do not need to protect me.

Lucy began crying.

Hannah wanted to hold her.

She waited.

Lucy reached sideways.

Hannah took her hand.

Daniel’s final paragraph read:

You can love your mum and love me.

You can be angry at me.

You can use Morgan.

You can remember Carter if you want.

You are not responsible for making me feel better.

I am your dad, and I am sorry.

Lucy put the letter down.

For a long time, no one spoke.

Then she looked at Hannah.

“Do you believe him?”

Hannah answered carefully.

“I believe he is sorry for some things.”

“Some?”

“I don’t know what he fully understands yet.”

Lucy frowned.

“Do you forgive him?”

“That’s not my decision.”

“Do you hate him?”

“No.”

“You said before.”

“Yes.”

“Still no?”

Hannah thought.

“Still no.”

Lucy looked at Priya.

“Can I write back?”

“Yes, if you want.”

“What if I say mean things?”

“You can be honest. We may help you phrase things safely.”

Lucy nodded.

She wrote that afternoon.

Dad,

I am mad you lied.

I am mad you made Mum dead at school.

I liked the zoo.

I liked the map.

I hated changing schools.

I was scared I would forget Mum.

I still love you.

I don’t know when I want to see you.

Please keep the map.

Lucy Morgan

She stared at the signature.

Then added beneath it:

You can call me Luce.

Hannah looked away so Lucy would not see her cry.

The letter went through Priya.

A week later, Daniel received it in his solicitor’s office.

He read it once.

Then again.

Mark Feld watched him.

Daniel laughed bitterly.

“She says Morgan.”

Mark did not respond.

Daniel looked up.

“She says I can call her Luce.”

“Yes.”

“She still loves me.”

“Yes.”

Daniel’s face twisted.

“So maybe everyone can stop acting like I destroyed her.”

Mark’s expression changed.

Daniel saw it.

“What?”

“You made it three sentences.”

“What?”

“Three sentences before turning her love into evidence for your defense.”

Daniel stared.

Mark pointed to the letter.

“Read the rest.”

“I did.”

“No. Read it without looking for proof you are still a good father.”

Daniel’s face reddened.

“You think I’m a bad father.”

“I think that question is distracting you.”

“What question should I ask?”

Mark leaned forward.

“What does Lucy need from you now?”

Daniel looked at the letter.

Keep the map.

He swallowed.

“She needs me not to disappear.”

“Yes.”

“And not make her fix this.”

“Yes.”

Daniel looked away.

The criminal case continued.

Charges related to child abduction, false statements, and breaches of court orders.

His bail conditions prevented direct contact.

He had lost his job after the arrest became public.

His rented flat was ending.

Everything in his life felt unstable.

His instinct was to explain.

Hannah caused this.

The court caused this.

The media caused this.

Mark’s question stayed.

What does Lucy need from you now?

Daniel took out a blank sheet.

“I want to write again.”

Mark shook his head.

“Not today.”

“Why?”

“She just replied.”

“So?”

“Give her space.”

Daniel stared.

“Doing nothing feels like abandoning her.”

“Sometimes restraint is an action.”

Daniel hated that.

He obeyed.

At home, Lucy began seeing a child therapist named Dr. Miriam Cole.

Their sessions used drawing, cards, and stories.

In the third session, Miriam placed two blank houses on the table.

“You can draw anything in them.”

Lucy drew Hannah’s house in one.

Then Daniel’s temporary flat from before the move in the other.

She drew herself outside both.

Miriam asked, “Where do you want to be?”

Lucy frowned.

“That’s a trick.”

“No.”

“If I pick Mum, Dad loses.”

“If you pick Dad, Mum loses?”

“Yes.”

“What if the question is not who wins?”

“That’s what adults say.”

Miriam nodded.

“You’ve heard that a lot.”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe it?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because Dad took me because court.”

Miriam waited.

Lucy continued.

“And Mum went to court because Dad.”

“Sounds like winning mattered to them.”

“Yes.”

“Does it have to matter to you?”

Lucy stared at the houses.

Then she drew a third place.

School.

Gemma standing beside the door.

Miriam smiled.

“What is that?”

“Somewhere nobody was winning.”

The insight hurt.

Lucy had felt safest in the place unrelated to the custody battle.

Miriam asked, “What made school feel safer?”

Lucy thought.

“Gemma didn’t tell me what to think.”

“Anything else?”

“She said I didn’t do wrong.”

Miriam nodded.

“What if we make a list of things that are not your job?”

Lucy liked lists.

They wrote:

NOT MY JOB

MAKE DAD HAPPY

MAKE MUM HAPPY

CHOOSE WHO IS GOOD

REMEMBER EVERY DETAIL

FIX COURT

HIDE FEELINGS

PICK ONE PARENT TO LOVE

Lucy added one more.

KEEP ADULT STORIES STRAIGHT

She underlined it.

That paper went into her school bag.

Two months later, the family court reviewed contact.

Daniel’s solicitor requested supervised visits.

Hannah opposed immediate contact.

Not forever.

Not now.

Lucy knew there was a hearing but not the legal arguments.

Priya asked what she wanted.

Lucy stared at the carpet.

“I want to see Dad.”

Then quickly:

“But not alone.”

“That makes sense.”

“And not in his car.”

“Okay.”

“And I want Mum nearby.”

“Nearby how?”

“In the building.”

Priya nodded.

“Anything else?”

Lucy thought.

“No surprises.”

That became the central condition.

No surprises.

No unexpected visitors.

No secret plans.

No changed surnames.

No “holiday” that became a move.

When Daniel learned Lucy wanted supervised contact, he cried.

Then he asked why supervision was necessary.

Mark looked at him.

Daniel stopped.

“Right.”

The first visit was scheduled for forty-five minutes.

Neutral family center.

Priya present.

Hannah in another room.

Lucy chose the red cup from the recovered belongings to bring with her.

“Why that?” Hannah asked.

Lucy shrugged.

“Because it was mine there.”

Hannah nodded.

No jealousy.

No test.

On the morning of the visit, Lucy stood at the center entrance.

Her hands shook.

“Can I change my mind?”

Priya nodded.

“Yes.”

“Even now?”

“Yes.”

Lucy looked at Hannah.

“Will you be mad?”

“No.”

“Will Dad?”

Hannah chose honesty.

“He may be disappointed.”

Lucy’s face tightened.

“That’s like mad.”

“Not always.”

Lucy looked at the door.

Then at the red cup in her hand.

“I want to go.”

Priya opened the door.

Daniel was inside.

He stood when Lucy entered.

Then stopped himself from moving closer.

“Hi, Luce.”

Lucy stared.

“Hi, Dad.”

Neither knew what came next.

That was probably safer than pretending they did.

Before the first supervised visit, Lucy asked Miriam what to do if Daniel cried.

“Nothing,” Miriam said.

Lucy frowned.

“Nothing?”

“You can respond if you want. But you do not have to comfort him.”

“What if he says he misses me?”

“You can say you miss him if that is true.”

“What if I don’t want to say?”

“Then don’t.”

Lucy looked unconvinced.

“Is that rude?”

“No.”

“What if he thinks I’m mean?”

“That feeling belongs to him.”

Lucy sighed.

“Everyone’s feelings belong to themselves.”

“Yes.”

“That is very inconvenient.”

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Miriam smiled.

“Also useful.”